FUNNY STUFF
What's in a name?
Seasoned - adj: to become competent through trial and experiences
Lazy - adj: disinclined to work or exertion
Man - noun: an adult male who has a manly character
Seasoned Lazy Man - From experience, this man declines to work harder than he has to.
OR like the Seasoned Lazy Man motto says - "We're so lazy, we do things right the first time."

The Seasoned Lazy Man's Motto:
"We're so lazy, we do things right the first time."

The Seasoned Lazy Man's Toast.
Raise your glass and say, "Here's to.", knod your head and drink.
It doesn't get any lazyer than that.

For the Seasoned Lazy Man, "9 to 5" is actually 4:51 p.m. so that means its almost quiting time.

Just because we're lazy, doesn't mean we don't work hard sometimes. The Seasoned Lazy Man will do what it takes to only have to do a job once. There are only a few things we enjoy doing more than once. Cook'N, Drink'N, and making sweet love to our ladies are a few of them.

Being Seasoned, comes experience. Like this story:
An older bull and a young bull were standing on the top of a hill looking down on a herd of cows. The young bull said to the older bull, "Let's run down there and screw one of those cows." The older bull looked at the young bull, shook his head and said, "Lets WALK down there and screw ALL of those cows."

K.I.S.S = Keep It Simple Smarty

K.E.G. = Keep Eating from the Grill

P.E.T.A. = People for the Eating of Tasty Animals

MEAT IS MURDER! . . . Tasty, Tasty Murder.

If we weren't suppose to eat animals, how come they're made of meat?

There's Room for All God's Creatures...Right Next to My Mashed Potatoes!

Our seasonings are all vegan friendly. There very good on beef, fish and chicken!

We might not always be Grill'N, But we are always Chill'N.

Fast Grilling - Slow Smoking

Always rub your meat.

98% of Americans say "OH SHIT" before going in the ditch on a slippery winter road. The other 2% are from MICHIGAN or WISCONSIN and they say, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS!"

My Drinking Team has a Hockey Problem. GO K-WINGS!

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K= 98%
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 96%
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5

And

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 100%
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5

But look how far Ass Kissing & Bull Shit will take you.

A-S-S K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 118%
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 103%
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Even if its BAD(7%), Putting LAZY MAN (92%) on it will make it better than GREAT(51%)

Conversation at CHEERS
"Cliff, Why do I feel smarter after I drink?"

"Well you see Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more effcient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

We at the Seasoned Lazy Man LOVE being men. Here are a few reasons why.
Our last name stays put when we get married. The garage is all ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. We can be President. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white T-Shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth. The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is "just too icky". We dont have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5,000, Tux rental, $100. People never stare at our chest when we are talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle our feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. We can open all our own jars. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite us, they can still be our friend.

Our underwear is $8.95 for a 3 pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. We almost never have strap problems in public. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes. Everything on our face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. We only have to shave our face and neck. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

We can play with toys all our life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. WE can wear shorts no matter how our legs look. We can 'do' our nails with a pocket knife.

We can do Christmas shoppin for 25 relitives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

And those are a few reasons its GREAT to be a guy!

MORE SHORT & SWEET
I don't mind going to work, but that 8 hour wait to go home is a bitch.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Your garden club called. Their ho is missing.

I'd tell you to "go to hell", but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.

I love poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick.

I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.

BEER!

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

Homer Simpson quoted as saying: "To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all of lifes problems."

BEER: The reason I get up every afternoon.

Mother Knows Best: A beer before bed means a better night's sleep for the whole family!

Finish your beer. There's sober kids in India.

BEER: Helping white guys dance since 1842.

I'm sorry Honey, I can't hear you without a Beer in my hand.

BEER is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Alcohol
Tobacco
Firearms
Who's bringing the chips?

There is no strong beer. Only weak men.

A CHOCOLATE STORY
(This one is for the ladies)
On PayDay, Mr. Goodbar wanted to SKOR. So he took Miss Hershey's to a Symphony and then to the Pot of Gold motel on 5th Avenue to show her some Twix. He began to feel her Mounds that were pure Almond Joy. It made her Tootsie Roll, and made him want to Eat-More. He thought, "This is NutTageous!" He let out a Snickers as his Butterfinger went up her Kit Kat and caused a MilkyWay.

She screamed 'Oh Henry', as she grabbed his Big Hunk and sqeezed his M&M's. Miss Hershey's said; 'You are even better than the 3 Musketeers'.

To which he replied: 'When you're this size they call you Mr.Big. Now Take 5 and we'll have some Whatchamacallit again'.

Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later she had a Baby Ruth.

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE DETROIT LIONS
(Except the 2011 Season)
We in Michigan love most of our professional sports teams. We have a great Hockey team, the Detroit Red Wings. Basketball is the Detroit Pistons and in 2012 the Detroit Tigers went to the World Series. And then there's our football team, the Detroit Lions.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Detroit Lions

Q. What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham Jr. have in common?
A. The both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ.'

Q. How do you keep the Detroit Lions out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado?
A. To the Ford Field. They never have a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call a Detoit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.

Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. The world may never know.

Q. What do the Detoit Lions and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

As a deterant to crime, the Detroit Police department is forcing criminal offenders to go to and watch a Detroit Lions game. One particularly harsh criminal got season tickets.

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